Author Topic: Saint Seiya, but Short (WARNING: Rated PG-13 for Language)  (Read 3396 times)

AuroraExecution

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Saint Seiya, but Short (WARNING: Rated PG-13 for Language)
« on: October 06, 2007, 06:09:37 PM »
Ok, so I got this idea in part from Little Kuriboh's Yu-gi-oh Abridged, and partly from Cleolinda's Movies in 15 Minutes.  Both did similar things, though Little Kuriboh used video (and I'm not that good) while Cleolinda just wrote in script form.  I credit Cleo for most of the format style. 

Anyway, their stuff is like a little parody-summary of a show/movie, and I thought Saint Seiya would be a great series to do.  Don't get me wrong: I'm one of the biggest fans here.  But if you know the series well, Saint Seiya DOES have a lot of plotholes and scenes/lines/dubs that could be better.  So.  Please do not take offense at this, and enjoy!

EDIT: Title name has been added at LSN's suggestion. 


Saint Seiya, but Short
Episode 1: Dogs! And Lots of Other Things Too

Narrator The Voice of Expo: When the world is filled with evil When Athena comes back to life and gets into trouble, teenage warriors appear to protect her.  Saints.  They wear pretty armor and use their bodies as weapons, because Athena likes watching boys fight. 

Scene opens on a city that might be Tokyo except for the creepy werewolf dogs eating garbage in the street near the gynormous red-glowing coliseum.  As we wonder if Saint Seiya has anything to do with dogs, we slowly find our way into said coliseum. 

Huge Guy in Orange Armor: *punchpunch*
Smaller Guy in Lavender Armor: *mouth opens and closes silently*
Crowd: OMGWTF!
Girl with Big Boobs and Purple Hair Who Is Sitting In the Box Seat: I LOVE watching boys get killed, bwahaha. 
Lavender Armor: *evilgrin* *jumpkickpunchpunchpunch*
Orange Armor: Grrr...
Big Boobs: Oh, grandpa!  I have accomplished your dream of forcing teenage boys to kill each other for a shiny box.  But, since you're dead, I guess I'll just have to take your place in watching them wrestle each other in the ring, sweaty, panting--I mean, I'll take your place in watching them fight. 
Scene pans to a bunch of greyish boxes in a row.  There are a few conspicuous empty spaces.
Big Boobs: Damn, why are all the hot ones late?

Meanwhile, in a different coliseum, during the day, with fewer spectators...
Guy In Cape: Why are you two not fighting yet?  The My Little Pony Box only goes to the winner of the fight. 
Small Dude We Assume is Seiya: The My Little Pony Box?! I came here to get that!
Giant with A Mohawk: *droolwhapgrabsqueeze* MY Pony Box!
Red-Hair Masked Woman/Marin: I protest!
Green-Hair Masked Woman/Shaina: Shut up, beyotch.
Mohawk: *squeeeeeeeeze* Heehee, I'm going to cut your ear off!
BLOOD
Seiya: *still has both ears*
Random Spectator Soldiers: *gape*
Mohawk: AH! My EAR!
Ear: *twitch twitch*
Seiya: *waves arms around mysteriously*
Serious music has started playing, so we know something important is about to happen.  Various talk ensues.  Several minutes later, Seiya kicks Mohawk.
Mohawk: WTF?!
Seiya: *grins* I'm gonna kick your giant ass!  *bajillion punches*
Mohawk: How can this be?
Seiya: I'm the main character!  Of course I have to beat you and win the Pony Box.  It's called Saint SEIYA, not Saint Mohawk, duh!  Plus, Marin taught me about (dun dun DUN) the COSMOS!
Flashback mode
Marin: Everything is made of atoms, which form atomic bonds and consist of a nucleus, which is formed of protons and neutrons, and the nucleus is surrounded by moving electrons, which--
Young Seiya: *fear/confusion*
Marin: Just chop the effing rock. 
Young Seiya: *glares at rock*
Rock: *cowers*
Young Seiya: *chops rock, destroys area, and creates crater*
Marin: So...as I was saying...the universe was created 15 billion years ago...
Young Seiya: ...
Marin: ...my point is, feel the Big Bang in your body! [no, seriously, this is what she says]
We return to the coliseum, where Seiya is still standing across from Mohawk
Seiya: Now that I'm done flashing back, I'm going to defeat you!
Mohawk: Grr...
Seiya: *waves arms dramatically*  Pegasus Ryu Sei Ken!  *bazillion punches*
Mohawk: *fall*
Guy With Cape: The Pony Box is yours, Seiya.
Seiya: *jumps on box*  Yay, I did it!
Guy With Cape (and no face): A piece of advice--use the Pony Box for Athena, will ya?
Shaina: *hate*

Night.  Seiya is in a little stone house.  He reaches for the Pony Box...
Marin: SEIYA! 
Seiya: I'm not doing anything!
Marin: *fanservices for a second* Admit it--you like My Little Pony, don't you?  Come--
A star falls... and then we see Marin and Seiya running through Sanctuary
Random Soldiers: *shout variously* 
Seiya: WTF?!
Marin: Shaina hates you now.  Do you have ANY idea what that will be like?  *stops* Crap, we're late.
Shaina shows up. Double Fanservice.
Shaina: I. Will. Kill. You. Seiya.
Marin: Ok, bye. 
Seiya: WTF?!!
Shaina: FORK IN A TOASTER ATTACK!
Seiya: WAA! *fall.stand* Pegasus Ryu Sei Ken!
Shaina: *dodge* FORK IN A TOASTER ATTACK!
Seiya: *fall*
Pony Box: *open*
Pony Cloth: NEIGH. [This is a reference from VGSpoofs.  Not mine.]
The Pony Cloth forces Seiya to wear it
Seiya: Oo, try out the shiny! *punch*
Shaina: Ow, my arm.  *proceeds to eletrocute, punch, kick, and mangle Seiya in every way possible*
Marin: Seiya, stop being a pansy.
Seiya: I can't attack a WOMAN!
Marin: *facepalm*
Shaina: You chauvinist!
Random Soldiers: WE'LL fight him for you, Shaina! *kickpunch*
Seiya: Yup, I don't mind killing men! *punch*
Shaina: HOLY--!
Shaina's mask: *break.fall*  I. Hate. You.
Seiya: Hey, you're kinda hot!
Shaina: F. You.

We now switch to a pretty cliff, presumably the next morning
Marin: Ok, there's Athens, off you go now, like a good boy. 
Seiya: Can I see your face?
Marin: WTF, NO!
Seiya: Or...not.


To be continued...maybe.
« Last Edit: October 07, 2007, 06:51:55 AM by AuroraExecution »
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Re: Saint Seiya, but Short (WARNING: Rated PG-13 for Language)
« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2007, 07:56:45 PM »
Having seen much of Yu-Gi-OH Abridged... I'm afraid of what you'll do with this, AE.  I fear my numerous sarcastic remarks towards the series will be put to shame by what you do with this.  You should have stupid titles for episodes, however...
« Last Edit: October 07, 2007, 07:29:06 AM by Steamrollers solve all »
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Re: Saint Seiya, but Short (WARNING: Rated PG-13 for Language)
« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2007, 06:27:46 PM »
You should make Cakey make up the stupid episode names for you AE.  He's an expert.  *pats Cakey on the head*

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Re: Saint Seiya, but Short (WARNING: Rated PG-13 for Language)
« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2007, 06:29:14 PM »
After over making 90 such titles, I should hope so!
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Re: Saint Seiya, but Short (WARNING: Rated PG-13 for Language)
« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2007, 02:33:42 PM »
This reminds me of when I used to take innocent Neopets plots and distort and violate them in every possible way, in the same format. Such nostalgic memories.
YOU GOTTA WRITE MORE OF THIS.

AuroraExecution

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Re: Saint Seiya, but Short (WARNING: Rated PG-13 for Language)
« Reply #5 on: November 19, 2007, 09:04:47 AM »
Saint Seiya, but Short
Episode 2: OMFG! Jabu is a Pansy

We open onto Lavender Armor being punched by Orange Armor.  Either their fight is VERY repetitive, or the animators decided we needed to see this part again.  We see Lavender Armor escape Orange Armor's grasp, and then beat the living daylights out of Orange Armor. 
Orange Armor: *falls over*
Lavender Armor: Oh yeah.  I am TEH PIMP!
Crowd: Yay! *gasp*
Orange Armor: *stands* Grrr...
Lavender Armor: Grr...
Orange Armor: Transformers go! *turns into orange lion*
Lavender Armor: Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers! *turns into purple unicorn with yellow hair*
The lion and the unicorn were fighting for the crown, the lion beat the unicorn all around the town.  And then...the unicorn electrocutes the lion with its radioactive horn. 
Orange Armor: *falls again*
Annoying Announcer Guy: Game Over! Unicorn wins!  Lionet loses!  Unicorn Jabu passes the first match! And now he proceeds to the second!
Lavender Armor/Jabu: I am SO TEH PIMP!

What we assume is later, we see the sun shining down on a nice white manor with red gables.  Sadly, this nice feeling is broken when we are shown Big Boobs, wearing a frilly white and pink dress-up gown, standing in a room, looking at the picture of an old man. 
Big Boobs/Saori: OMG, Grandpa!  Everything's going great in your tournament.  Please protect me, cause someone's gonna mug me for looking like a Barbie Doll. 
Bald Toady: Seiya's here. 
Saori: OMG SEIYA!  Good job getting the pony box!  Leave it here and go get ready to beat the crap out of your old friends!
Seiya: ...the hell?
Saori: Tatsumi, you didn't explain?
Bald Toady/Tatsumi: No, you came out before I could. 
Saori: Oh.  Well, Seiya, we're having a bunch of 13-15 year old boys fight each other to the death in the ring.  We're calling it the Galaxian Wars.  You get to fight...uh...
Bald Toady/Tatsumi: Bear Geki. 
Saori: Yeah, him.  Seiya, I'm looking forward to your GREAT PERFORMANCE.  [Take that in the wrongest way possible.  Hooray for sick people.]
Seiya: Sorry to disappoint.  Not joining your stupid "battle".  [He does call it a stupid battle, which makes me love Seiya forever.]
Bald Toady: How dare you! *bounces up and down menacingly and tries to grab Seiya*
Seiya: *one-handedly flips Tatsumi* I don't care about your stupid Big Boob mistress.  I wanna see the old geezer. 
Saori: He's dead, darl. 
Seiya: WHAT?!
Saori: *goes into sad grandpa-died mode*
Seiya: Oh, cools.  He SO deserved that. 
Tatsumi: Shut up!
Seiya: *sticks out a hand, shutting up Tatsumi*  Well, then, lady.  Our agreement?
Saori: Uh, agreement?
Seiya: Your dirty old grandpa [and once again, I love Seiya for really truly calling Mitsumasa Kiddo "dirty old"] said I could have my sister back in exchange for the stupid pony box.  Here's the pony box, gimme my sister. 
A door opens, and insults are thrown at Seiya.  From the golden light steps...a hero? a cool villain? Shun?   Nope.  Jabu. 
Audience: *cries*
Jabu: If you're so scared, then leave your box here and run. 
Seiya: Wait, who are you?
Jabu: You've forgotten?  I'm the Unicorn Saint Jabu!
Seiya: Ohhhhhhhh.  I remember you.  You're the obsequious pansy who's always trying to get up Saori's skirt.  Ok. 
Jabu: She has big boobs!  Now kneel and apologize and give her your box!
Tatsumi: Yeah!
Seiya: Jabu, I am not a manwhore like you.  If she don't give me my sister, I don't give her my box. 
Jabu: *plays with biker gloves* Well, then.  You're so not as fabulous as she is.  So I'm gonna beat you up.  *punch*
Seiya: *deflects with a kick*  You are?  That was SO pansy.  And anyway, you're not getting anything good even when you suck up to this beyotch.  Even when we were little, she rode you around.  What are you this time?  Her horse?  Her pig?  [Yes, this is kinda wrong now that I think about it]
Jabu:  None of your business.  I beat you up now. 
Saori: Stop it, Jabu. 
Jabu: But...
Saori: Jabu, since when have you not obeyed me? [yes, she says that.  Jabu is so whipped.]
Jabu: Yes, ma'am. 
Saori: Anyway, I want you to fight in the ring, not here.  I can't make money off of it here. 
Seiya: I'm not gonna be in your stupid tournament, beyotch.  You give sister, me give cloth.  How many times do I have to tell you?
Saori: I dun know where she is.  She disappeared from your orphange when you left for Greece. 
And then we get to see Seiko Orphanage at sunset.  There's a nice church-looking building with a bell, and a spacious empty yard.  We see kid Seiya being kidnapped by creepy FBI agents and his sister chasing after the car.  Lots of "Seiya!" and "Nee-san!" is exchanged, until the sister falls on the street.  
Seiya: *goes to leave now that his sister isn't here*
Saori: We'll help you find her...if you win the Galaxian Wars!
Seiya: Dude, lady! What's your obsession with seeing me beat people up? *walks away, ignoring Saori's continuing rant*
Jabu: That's it.  Run away.  Just leave your box here.  *electrocutes (?) box off of Seiya*
Seiya: Damn you. *punches Jabu and makes a hole in the wall*
Jabu: *cries*
Seiya: *leaves*
Saori: He'll come back.  I have big boobs. 

And suddenly, we're back at Seiko.  Seiya is walking around with an uber-cheerful blue-haired pigtails girl. 
Pigtail Girl: I thought I'd never see you again!
Seiya: Yeah, me too.  You're still here?
Pigtail Girl: Yeah, I'm working at the orphanage now. 
Seiya: Oh.  WHERE IS MY SISTER?!
Pigtail Girl: I'm sorry!  I don't know!
Seiya: Sorry...I get a little overeager when it comes to my sister. 
Pigtail Girl: Maybe you should join the Galaxian Wars!  She'll see you on TV!
Seiya: OMG, what a great idea!  Why didn't I think of that before?
Pigtail Girl: hopefully cause you like me better than Big Boobs
Gratuitous Flashback of Seiya and Sister and Pigtail Girl playing at the orphanage. 

And then we return to the coliseum.  Annoying narrator guy goes on for five minutes about the rules and how elimination tournaments work.  Seiya puts on his Cloth, and a gynormous guy in black armor stands around waiting. 
Geki: I'm amazing.  *puts hand on Seiya's shoulder and is electrocuted*
Seiya: Better watch your hand, Geki, my Cosmos are about to explode! [yeah, he says that too]
Lots of fighting ensues.  Geki then goes into his ultimate attack--Choke the Bear. 
Annoying narrator guy: Geki's chokehold is strong!  The strength is 1980, 1981, 1982...(he continues thus for a long while)
Geki: I kill bears like this!
Seiya: *faints and has a weird dream about falling asleep in Marin's class.  Marin tells him to attack his opponent's strong points.  Seiya seems to find this extremely helpful and wakes up*
ACTION
Pigtails Girl: *covers her eyes*
Seiya: *breaks Geki's arms and then kicks him*
Geki: *stands there before falling over*
Random Unknown Person: Seiya just...kicked him!
Jabu: It was a special fabulous kick. 
Other Saints: Seiya's pretty good.  Let's be careful. 
Hot Guy With Long Black Hair: He has an enormous Cosmo.  [is it sad that my mind works this way?]
Seiya: I am PIMP!
Saori: This is only the beginning, Seiya!  I will control you one day!
Annoying Narrator: Who will get the Gold Cloth? Will Seiya find his sister?  Are Saori's boobs real?  All these and other questions will be answered next time!
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Re: Saint Seiya, but Short (WARNING: Rated PG-13 for Language)
« Reply #6 on: November 19, 2007, 09:16:38 AM »
*g* I so love your summaries! Please, continue! XD

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Re: Saint Seiya, but Short (WARNING: Rated PG-13 for Language)
« Reply #7 on: November 19, 2007, 02:01:14 PM »
Stabbity goodness will resolve all three of those questions.  Lol.
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Re: Saint Seiya, but Short (WARNING: Rated PG-13 for Language)
« Reply #8 on: November 19, 2007, 08:58:33 PM »
XD That was great!! I can't wait what other summaries you make with the other episodes. ;D ;D This is just too funny. X3   :marin: