Author Topic: DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D  (Read 7058 times)

DaHaloChick

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DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D
« on: September 13, 2008, 02:14:51 PM »
ITS ABOUT DAMNED TIME!

This character is actually one I made for a StS rp that Plantress and I are doing, but this is what happened before she died and became a servant in Hades' castle, so its completely original out of context =D

I have yet to name it, but I like the way it came out~ Let me know what you think!

~

Fourty-eight. Fourty-nine. Fifty. Fifty-one.

Penny put the toothbrush down. Once. Twice. A third time and she left it beside the sink.

She coughed.

God, how she hated brushing her teeth.

Even a small task such as that made her feel enslaved nowadays. She had spent so long searching for answers, and it seemed like the moment she'd found them was when things had begun to get even worse. Her psychiatrist had told her that was normal, since she was now aware of her problem.

It had been six months since Penny had been disagnosed with what Dr. Hurst had described as 'classic severe OCD', or Obessive-Compulsive Disorder, and things hadn't gotten any better. It frustrated her, and that seemed to make the OCD even worse.

Dr. Hurst had said that was normal too.

She coughed again.

However, Dr. Hurst had also said that becoming self-aware of her habits was a good first step in stopping them. Only in the past month and a half had she really began to notice when she was counting steps, or how many times she had to close her car door before she felt safe pulling out of her parents' driveway. The more she noticed, the more out of control she felt. Just last week she had collapsed into tears with her boyfriend at the movie theater when she couldn't stop herself from putting exactly five squirts of butter onto her popcorn.

He'd broken up with her the next day.

She hated odd numbers.

She coughed a third time, putting a hand to her stomach.

I can't take this anymore.

Penny opened up the medicine cabinet, grabbing the first bottle she saw. The name was long and she couldn't care to try and pronounce it, but when she opened it and shook it into her hand, 11 pills fell out.

Another odd number.

God damnit!

She tilted her head back and lifted her hand, but only got that far before she was interrupted.

"Honey, what are you doing?"

Penny looked to the door of the bathroom, seeing her mother looking at her worriedly. Just do it, you fucking chicken,

"...Nothing, Mom."

Penny coughed a fourth time, then a fifth, then she dropped the pills and fell to her knees.

God, odd numbers suck! was her last thought before her world went black.

~~

PART 2

~

Penny woke up in a hospital bed with her mother clutching her hand.

"Penny....baby, are you okay?"

Oh, she always tried so hard, she felt bad that her mother had no power. "I think so."

"...Were you trying to kill yourself, Penny?"

Oh, what a cruel question. "...I..." Beeps coming from machines. Three. Four. Five. "...I'm scared..."

Her mother kissed her forehead. "I know you are, sweetie, but i'm here, and the doctors have already run some emergency tests on you. We're going to find out why you passed out, and you'll be all better."

That's a laugh.

"Dr. Hurst even said he would come here to see you, so you won't have to worry about missing your sessions if you need to stay for a few days."

"Oh. Joy."

A doctor walked into the room. Penny was so tired of lab coats. "Penny, i'm Dr. Lichtman." She seemed nice enough, at least. "I have your test results, and i'll share them with you in just a few moments, okay? Ms. Baker, will you come with me?"

"Of course." Penny watched her mother leave. She looked up at the ceiling. Boredom quickly overtook her.

The minutes passed.

She spoke aloud, "There's 167 tiles on the ceiling."

Oh, those fucking odd numbers!

She looked to the door as the doctor and her mother walked in. Her mother's face was tear-stained.

Uh oh.

"Penny, I'm going to be very honest with you so that you understand what's going on with you, okay?" Dr. Lichtman sat on the bed. Her nails were nice, Penny realized. A single flower mass-produced onto each one. "We ran some tests, and it turns out that you have malignant tumor in your pancreas."

"I have...cancer?"

"Yes, Penny. Pancreatic cancer."

Of all of the things that Penny unwittingly took notice of in a day, she never even realized she was so sick.

"...Is it bad?"

"I told you I would be honest with you Penny." Dr. Lichtman took her hand. "Pancreatic cancer is very rarely treatable, and is normally very painful. You're in a fairly advanced stage of it. It's not uncommon for it to go unnoticed at this stage, either."

"How long do I have?"

"Two months at most. What we need to talk about now is ensuring the quality of the life you have left. Rather than think about when, we're going to help you enjoy every day you have here with us at Sacred Heart."

"Quality of life?"

"Yes."

Snap

"I have no life! My life is nothing but counting and checking and doubting and repeating! There's nothing you can do that can give me any kind of life in two months! I've been sick for years and i've only been getting treatment for the past six months and I'm still not any better! Are you crazy?"

Her mother sniffled. "Penny--"

"NO! Just leave me alone and let me die!"

Dr. Lichtman squeezed her hand. "Penny, listen--"

"No, you listen! I can't remember the last time that I did anything that could be consider normal by anyone. I'm tired of being the freak, the wierdo, the crazy person! This is the most normal thing to happen to me in years, so just leave me alone and let me be normal!"

Dr. Lichtman took several minutes to compose herself. "Penny...I was referring to pain management in this instance. I am aware of your OCD, and I'm sure its made life very hard on you, but truthfully, you don't have much time left. Your cancer has spread already to the point where I can't, as a professional, let you leave. There is nothing we can do but let you stay here and live out the rest of your time."

"Good."

Penny died six weeks later while doing the only thing she could do without needing to count: sleeping.

~


ABRUPT ENDING IS ABRUPT, but it's sort of not as thorough as i'd like to be, I was just excited to share it =D For kicks, here is a small extra tag-on to the ending that makes her story tie into being a servant of Hades

~

"I offer you a choice."

"A...choice?"

"Yes. You can either move on to the Hell which I judge you for, or you can work for us. Your sins are meager, and we need someone in our kitchens."

She thought about it. "What Hell would I be going to?"

"That I cannot tell you until you make your decision."

To be tortured in a Hell, or work for the rest of her life.

Work was normal, and she had been tortured enough.

"All right. I'll work."

~

Let me know what you think! XD

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Shaina [シャイナ]

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Re: DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2008, 02:46:29 PM »
I like it! Although you might add a litttle description of her being jaundiced when she looks in the mirror. Pancreatic cancer at this stage usually cuts off the bile ducts, and thus at least the whites of her eyes would be yellow - but very likely the skin, too.

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Re: DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2008, 04:06:01 PM »
I like it! Although you might add a litttle description of her being jaundiced when she looks in the mirror. Pancreatic cancer at this stage usually cuts off the bile ducts, and thus at least the whites of her eyes would be yellow - but very likely the skin, too.

My limited knowledge of pancreatic cancer comes from what I wiki'd and from a book i'm reading where the main character is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She passes out and talked about coughing and stomach pains a lot, so I put some of that in there.

Like I said, this is very bare-bones, it was meant for Tress to show her a bit of this character's past, but I definitely do intend on fleshing it out and posting an update.

Thank you for the feedback, though, i'll definitely keep that in mind when I get the chance to work on this piece again. Now i'm tempted to get some of my older original stuff out here~

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Re: DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2008, 04:39:47 PM »
Remember, you can ask me about medicine stuff. I'm currently studying anatomy and pathology for my test to become a nature cure practitioner, so I should know such stuff. ^^

THis is a German forum on pancreatic cancer - you might want to look into that via bablefish or Google translation for some genuine info: http://www.krebs-kompass.org/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=10

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Re: DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D
« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2008, 05:57:37 AM »
This was a pleasure to read, especially the part when Penny reacts to the (bad) news about her condition. I wanna read more of this!
"If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do for them is to present them with copies of 'The Elements of Style'. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy." - Dorothy Parker

DaHaloChick

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Re: DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D
« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2008, 09:21:50 AM »
I HAVE 10 MINUTES AND I'M FEELING RANDOM~

~

"Mr. Kelpshik will see you now."

"Thank you," the perky blonde replied, smoothing out her skirt as she stood. She walked into the office and smiles charmingly at the bald, stocky man behind the desk. "Mr. Kelpshik, I am so excited to meet you! Thank you for taking the time to interview me."

He smiled crookedly, shaking the gloved hand she offered. "My pleasure, Miss Moniker, your application was very impressive. Please, have a seat." She sat, purposely trying to keep a good posture. "Now, Miss Moniker...may I call you Laura?"

"Of course, Mr. Kelpshik."

"Laura, then. I want to realize before we begin that the business world is cut-throat at best. I hope you are willing to do...whatever it might take to get ahead."

She smiled knowingly. "I understand, Mr. Kelpshik. Why else would I be wearing such a short skirt?"

"Good woman!" he said, laughing with her. "Now, let me just get out your papers..."

As he unlocked his drawer, she let out a disgusted looking, turning her head. "It's....rather quiet for mid-day in such an office building."

"Ah, well Wednesdays are normally slow days, and my secretary is at lunch, so we're the only people in the area for the moment."

"Really?" She reached into her purse. "good"

Mr. Kelpshik looked up into the barrel of the handgun, his eyes widening. "W...What are you--"

"Good-bye, Peter." she pulled the trigger, unflinching when the bullet embedded itself in his head. She walked over to his slumped body, checking to make sure he was dead.

She stashed the gun in his drawer, locking the drawer and slipping the key in his pocket before taking out her cell phone and dialing on her way out the door. "Hey, bossman!...Yeah, he's taken care of. I'll return to base immediately."

The voice on the other side of the line chuckled. "Good work, Lavender. I assumed you charmed him into security as always."

"It's what I do!" She giggled. "Anyway, want me to pick up some dinner on the way home?"

"Call me back when you get in the area; we've decided on Italian tonight."

"Cool, see ya!" she hung up the phone, slipping it in her purse as she pressed the down button of the elevator. She checked her make-up in the reflection of the metal as the door closed. Work really could do something aweful to a young woman's complexion.

~

=D Let me know what you think~

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Re: DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D
« Reply #6 on: September 19, 2008, 04:57:34 AM »
I love it! I hope that you post more stories like this! :mu-kissed:

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Re: DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D
« Reply #7 on: September 19, 2008, 11:02:11 AM »
Well, weird.  Wondering if these stories are going to be connected to each other, but I hope you continue.
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Re: DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D
« Reply #8 on: September 19, 2008, 12:19:09 PM »
Well, weird.  Wondering if these stories are going to be connected to each other, but I hope you continue.

Most likely not; the assassin piece is based off of an assassin group I created called The Garden of Eden. Penny's story is one on its own, although I hope to expand on the six weeks before her death.

What do you think is wierd about it? The plots, the writing styles, the characters? I love feedback, but being a bit more specific'd be appreciated =D

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Re: DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D
« Reply #9 on: September 19, 2008, 01:50:55 PM »
First one was weird because it's kinda like a shaggy dog story.  Girl has OCD, hates every moment of it, finds out she has cancer, and unceremoniously dies.

The other one, well, I didn't know they weren't meant to be connected, so the sudden sequence of somebody getting shot was more than a little surpising.
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Re: DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D
« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2008, 11:57:25 AM »
SSA - The first one was meant to be that way, as the 'shaggy dog' effect is how Penny thinks due to her OCD. It's short and abrupt because, like I said, its still unfinished. As for the second one, no, they're not related, but I don't think its appropriate to make a different thread for every single original piece I make, hence why I titled this thread as such ^_^.

However, this IS related to the second piece. And its for Shaina, because she brought up how stupid it was for Lavender to leave the gun behind =D

~


"You left the gun?"

Lavender nodded, wincing as Eve's English accent got thicker as she got angrier. "That is the stupidest thing i've ever seen you do, Lavender! What were you thinking? They could trace it back to us!"

"I used gloves!"

"I'm not talking about authorities," Eve explained, "I'm talking about other Undergrounders. You know that we do our best to stay neutral in any and all situations involving the Underground and that man was a criminal with many connections to different assassin groups! If they find out we were the ones that offed him, they'll be coming after us!"

"Breathe, Eve." She turned her angry gaze on Adam as he spoke. "Don't give me that look! The Garden of Eden is known for its neutrality, we can't afford to break that!"

"And we won't," Adam replied calmly. "Lavender has no fingerprints anywhere in the building, she used a fake alias, and Tigerlily disarmed the tapes on the security system beforehand. Given those circumstances and the fact that Kelpshik was rather powerless compared to other criminals with connections to assassin groups, nobody will care to dig deep enough to try and figure it out."

"But those circumstances scream of an assassin killing!"

Adam nodded. "I cannot contest that it would be obvious to an Undergrounder that it is the work of an assassin, yes, but who would think the always neutral  Garden of Eden would be the ones behind it?"

Eve took a breath, looking away. "I suppose you're right. Making a fuss of what's already been done won't help anyway. I'm sorry, Lavender."

The younger girl smiled. "It's okay, boss lady! I promise i'll be more careful next time; besides, leaving the gun behind was an order from our contractor, I just figured locking it up that way would create enough confusion to throw the cops and assassins alike off of any trails we may have left." She grinned. "Well, i'm off to go take a shower!" She sprang up the stairs, singing happily and rather off-key to herself.

Adam chuckled, looking at Eve's shocked expression. "I can't believe she didn't tell you that leaving the gun behind was an order. Her reasoning of the way she left it was rather clever, though. She's moronic and brilliant all at the same time."

Eve sighed. "Why did we hire her into our group again?"

~

So yes, there is a bit of a follow-up to Lavender's little mission. Perhaps next time i'll introduce you all to Tigerlily and a little bit about her situation in the Garden.

These pieces, by the way, are based off of a group of Assassins I created called the Garden of Eden. There are 8 members: Adam, Eve, Serpent, Apple Blossom, Bloodroot, Foxglove, Lavender, and Tigerlily. I never did write a story for them, so I figure i'll just play around with them here since I do love them SO dearly~ =D

Let me know what you guys think~

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Re: DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D
« Reply #11 on: September 30, 2008, 08:00:59 PM »
Well, I'd advise you try to do some further works with the group... might be interesting to do a crossover with you sometime since Matei Mizuki's sequel story focuses on the assassin group known as the Hachi Satsu... but in my case that's more a justification for having a lot of people hang out around Dysfunction Junction and be older than the usual around-20-years-old.

Well... probably not, since I haven't even begun work on it yet, but still.
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Re: DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D
« Reply #12 on: October 04, 2008, 03:00:43 PM »
DIFFERENT STORYLINE IS DIFFERENT. Brad and Billie are old characters of mine. Enjoy~

~

Billie had always loved the rain. She savored the kiss she shared with her Bradley, exhausted but glowing from their lovemaking as she listened to the rhythmic beating against the windows. Her husband loved the rain, and it seemed to always follow their happiest moments. He had asked her to marry him on a rainy night, as they indulged in their favorite pastime of eating Chinese food and watching 'The Godfather'. They had finally decided to try and have children one night when it was storming rather harshly outside, and he had promised that every time it would rain from then on, he would make love to her and try his best to give her a child. It had been one of the silliest things he had ever said to her, but also one of the most romantic.

She rested his head on his chest, wrapping an arm around him as she settled into his familiar embrace. His skin was soft due to age, but he was still rather well-built, as he worked out several times a week. His body betrayed the age that the soft gray streaks in his dark hair showed. She looked up at him to see he was gazing down at her with an odd look on his face.

He had been looking at her like that a lot lately. It was beginning to worry her. "Is something wrong?"

Bradley blinked once, smiling at her. "Not at all, my love. I am simply anxious to see the results of our rainy nights is all."

Billie chuckled, happiness dancing in her green eyes as she kissed his jaw. "We will when the time is right. You will be a great father."

"And you will be a fantastic mother, my dear," Bradley's deep voice assured. "I hope we have a little girl who looks just like you. I can impart business smarts so she can support herself and have a bright future, and you can give her that life you have, your vivaciousness."

She sighed. "You mean, my attitude?"

"I would call it...spunk," he replied with a grin. She laughed and closed her eyes as he pressed his lips to her forehead. Suddenly she felt very tired, and found herself drifting off to sleep quicker than usual. I must ber more exhausted then I thought...


When Billie awoke, it was still dark out, and the rain still poured, but she was cold. She opened her eyes and sat up in confusion when she realized Bradley was gone. "Brad?" She called his name out softly, but there was no answer.

She got out of bed, grabbing her robe and wrapping it around her. Her bare feet pattered against the wood floors of the hallway as she looked around for her husband, only stopping when she saw the door to his study opened and a light flickering from it.

She peeked in, seeing a candle lit and several papers and books opened. What is he doing up at this hour? Honestly... She went closer, intent on seeing exactly what he was working on, but a crashing sound stopped her.

She grabbed the candle, reacting almost immediately. Bradley had bought her karate lessons one year for Christmas, one of his cookier presents, but one of her favorites. It had given her rather good reaction time, and so she swiftly moved out of the room, closing the study door behind her. She creeped slowly down the stairs, stopping only when she saw a figure laying on the floor below. "Bradley!"

She practically ran down the stairs, only stopping to skid to her knees at his side, ignoring the pain it caused. She put the candle down, reaching out to touch him to see if he had a pulse.

"Stop right there."

Billie froze, pulling her hand back slowly. Whoever had done this had still been here? What was going on?

The person kelt behind her, holding some kind of blade to her neck. "Who are you?"

Billie let out a breath. "I should ask you the same question! You're the one breaking into my home!"

"Your home?" a masculine voice asked. "This home belongs to this man, does it not?"

"Yes," she explained, "But it's just as much mine as it is his. I'm his wife."

The blade jerked closer, the female voice of it's wielder ringing out. "Lies!"

Billie held up her left hand, showing the glint of the 24-karat gold diamond-encrusted wedding band she wore, which also bore an intricuit pattern engraved into it. She heard the feminine voice gasp, then there was brief silence.

The man spoke. "Do not harm her. She may be of some use if her story proves true."

Billie took in a shaky breath. "What did you do to him? Why?"

The girl snarled. "That is none of your business, girl! You have no part in--" her words were cut short when a figure burst through one of the front windows. The figure was large and muscular, adorned in a long black coat and a soaked mane of blonde hair pulled back. His blue eyes were aflame as he pointed the sword at Billie. No, not at me. At the woman behind me!. "Leave, vermin. You dare to touch him?"

The male intruder laughed. "And you, Bezik, deem to stop us?" He grinned. "You are the great and powerful Bezik, are you not?" The statement almost sounded like a mockery.

"You will not live long enough to know!"

~

AT WORK AGAIN, GOTTA GO! XD I'll write more later~
« Last Edit: October 05, 2008, 09:40:36 AM by DaHaloChick »

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Re: DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D
« Reply #13 on: October 04, 2008, 07:01:49 PM »
Cool.  This reminds me of that one Lone Gunmen episode...
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Re: DaHaloChick's Original Works! =D
« Reply #14 on: October 05, 2008, 11:46:25 AM »
PART TWO, mostly because I don't want to make one long post and this can bump the thread~

~

When Bezik began to charge at his opponent, Billie took the opportunity and thrashed with all of her might. Luckily, her captor had been caught off guard by the newcomer's attacks and the distraction was enough for Billie to wriggle her way free. She scrambled to her feet and began to ran, but then stopped, turning back.

Bradley was still on the floor, a small pool of blood was now under his head. I can't leave him! she turned, rushing over to his body and bending towards him again, checking for signs of life. She could feel breath coming from his lips, but his pulse was weak. She could also see that the blood was coming from his head, so she was afraid to move him.

Instead, she watched the fight in front of her. The girl was already taken down, she could see red dripping from her lifeless form, and the male intruder was fighting Bezik with a short much shorter than the blonde's. She didn't know much of anything about battle, but she knew that a longer sword probably meant greater range, and that the intruder would be the one to fall.

He was. Billie cringed as Bezik's blade sliced into him, making his body spurt its lifeforce before collapsing onto the freshly washed tile floor. She tried her best to not panic as his eyes went to her.

Bezik walked over to Bradley's body, kneeling on the opposite side of it from Billie and examining it. "He still lives. That is good." He looked up at her. "Who are you?"

Billie swallowed. "Billie. I'm his wife...who are you?"

The burly man looked at her in disbelief, his blue eyes glowing from the still-lit candle. Billie sighed. "I...I can prove it. Here."

She stood, running into their living room and grabbing a picture frame from the mantle above the fireplace. She ran back in, handing it to Bezik. "Look. That's our wedding photo."

Bezik studied it. It was indeed Billie in the picture, the only diffrerence being that her blonde hair was done up in a fancy-looking bun in the photo, and her hair was simply down now. I cannot believe this. He married this woman? He's actually smiling in this picture... He studied the woman in front of him. "I thought you ran."

Billie looked down. "I was going to, but I couldn't leave Bradley here like this." She looked up at Bezik. "What is going on here? You aren't going to...hurt him, are you?"

"No." he replied simply. "Quite the contrary. I knew those two were coming for him, so I came to stop them."

She sighed. "I still have no idea what is going on...but you did save his life. Thank you."

Bezik nodded. "It is my duty." He watched her momentarily, coming to a decision. "He is no longer safe here, and neither are you." He used one fluid motion to pick Bradley's body up by his waist and sling him over his shoulder.

Billie jumped up. "Don't do that, he has a head injury!"

Bezik scoffed. "Do you honestly think someone like him would be stopped by something so simple as a blow to his head? Then again...you don't really know what he is, do you?"

That made her stop. "What...he is?"

He held out his hand to Billie. "You will come with me."

"I will not, now give him back!"

Bezik growled a bit. "You will. He needs to get to safety, and I cannot be sure that he would approve of me leaving you behind."

Billie knew she couldn't stop a man like this, but she also refused to leave her husband's side. "If I come with you, will you tell me what the hell is going on here?"

Bezik nodded. "It would be best if I did so before he awoke anyway; it will be easier on the both of you. Now come, before they send more warriors here."

She held her breath a bit as she took his hand. He yanked her to him, holding her tightly to him. "Billie, you said your name was? I would close your eyes if I were you; it will be easier."

All she could do was nod and close her eyes tightly, the only feeling that followed was the harsh rush of wind against her, whisking her away.

~

I want to redo the first part of this story, make it a little bit more in-depth so you get a feel for Billie and Bradley before the action starts, maybe add a scene or two of character development before the beginning of what i've written here, but for now, i'm on break at work and i'm bored, so here you go~ =D

This is totally different from what I intended their story to be. Well, sort of. In a way. XD. Anyway, let me know what you think~

My Saint Seiya Harem: Scorpio Milo, Scorpio Kardia, Pisces Albafica, Sphinx Pharaoh, Chameleon June, Thor, Hagen, Mime
Shared: Balrog Rune, Perseus Argol, Harpy Valentine, Hypnos, Thanatos